Posted: 21st July 2015
Jan Dryden, The Divorce Midwife
Over the past few years I have heard many stories about clients’ relationship difficulties, breakdown and divorce stories. I have shared ideas and suggestions with them that had previously helped to save my marriage; and I have supported those that decided their only option was to leave their partner to find happiness again.
I don’t advocate Divorce, but neither do I oppose, or regret it. Through 30+ of being with my ex-husband, I had on a few occasions chosen to change my thinking and behaviour to heal my marriage, and most of those years were happy and successful. However, I grew tired of working at it, and it felt that somewhere along the way I had lost me! I actually didn’t like the person I had become and neither did I like my husband. I loved him, and there’s a small place in my heart that will always love the man I married and had children with. But I didn’t like who I had become. I had moulded myself to be the wife I thought he had wanted me to be. I just wasn’t real anymore! The personalities and qualities we had fallen in love with had been buried, but we put on a good act of being a happy couple with a comfortable, exciting life. We had lost the art of authentic communication, and for me, the fear of being cut down, ignored and ridiculed over-ruled anything I wanted to share with him. Eventually I lost respect for him and we grew apart. Had I chosen to heal the cracks again, I’m sure that I could have. But I would have lost even more of ME, and I wasn’t prepared to do that.
During the months of selling houses, finding Solicitors, engaging in Mediation and dividing personal belongings, it became excruciatingly painful. I went through every emotion several times each day, especially fear. I didn’t know where to turn to get support. I didn’t have any family of my own, I couldn’t turn to his family that had become my family too. I didn’t want to burden friends and I couldn’t just ring the Solicitor anything other than legal advice, and that would cost a fortune anyway. I started to scan the internet to see if there were any Divorce Support Groups in the region, but there was nothing. This is where my compassion to set up The Divorce Midwife was born.
My goal is to support women during the breakdown of their partnership/marriage by offering workshops, support and coaching groups, as well as 1-1 therapy and coaching. I will help them to align their thinking; reframe situations to become positive opportunities; support them emotionally and coach them to become amazing, confident, divinely beautiful women that can create equally beautiful lives.
Fertility & Maternity Reflexology Specialist, Life Coach www.jdholistics.co.uk