“I wish I was more confident…”

Posted: 14th February 2018


By: Julia Butler

“I wish I was more confident…”

“I wish I was more confident….”

It’s a feeling we all have from time to time.  At times it can feel like all the time.  So how do we deal with it?

The first step is to set realistic expectations.  If we expect to feel 100% confident all of the time, in all situations, we are setting ourselves up for failure.  Confidence is not a static thing.  We all have times and situations where we feel more or less confident.  And that includes everyone, even those who appear supremely confident and successful.

If you are doing or facing something new or different, expect to feel, at the very least, uncertain.  You are moving out of your comfort zone, and by definition, that will be uncomfortable.  But it is also the place where we learn and grow and find enjoyment and energy.

What do you actually want to achieve?

Having accepted that you are not likely to feel comfortable initially, a good next step is to focus on specifically what it is you need to do or want to do, instead of focusing on confidence itself.  Maybe you need to be able to make a presentation to a large group of people; maybe you want to find a new partner; maybe you want to speak a foreign language.  Whatever it is, think also about your reasons for wanting or needing to do that.  What will it give you or enable you to do?  What is your motivation?  Knowing this and reminding yourself of this will help you to keep going.

What do you need to do?

Next think about what you need to achieve your goal.   What are the barriers and how could you overcome them?  For example, what information do you need?  Do you need some training?  Do you need more practice?  Do you need to break it down into smaller stages?  Who could help you?  Who could you learn from?  What one thing could you do today to move things forward?  People who make things look easy have generally put in a huge amount of work in the background.

This process takes us from a potentially powerless place of “I need more confidence!” to a place where we can focus on the practical actions that will help us get where we want to be, one step at a time, and be confident that we are doing the best we can.

Would you like some help?

Do get in touch if you would appreciate some help to tease out the actions that will work for you and a source of support and encouragement to keep you on track.  I would love to hear from you.

Feel free to call me on 07708 034395, to email me at julia@juliabutler.co.uk or to check out my website www.juliabutler.co.uk .   I offer an initial no-obligation, no-cost discovery session.